I suppose it is an indication of my blog’s lack of a defining niche that whenever I return to the keyboard after several weeks’ hiatus, planned or unplanned, instead of just picking up with some wise and profound post (you know it) I always feel the need to catch you up on where I’ve been and what I’ve been up to, as if we had been chatting on the phone or something and I had stepped away for a minute or two or a week or three. The problem, of course, is when one’s blog begins to consist entirely of those little conversational snippets and not much else. What sort of conversation is that? Anyway, here I am.
June has been a crazy month. I think had I actually blogged like for real I would have had to rename my blog “Notes from the Chaos” or something equally descriptive. My son’s graduation, his college orientation, a trip to North Carolina, and later this week The Gospel Coalition’s Women’s Conference (yay!!).
Okay, so, when I type it out like that, my June doesn’t sound so very chaotic. It sounds, well, normal.
Maybe the chaos is me.
Whether is chaos is within or without, I am excited about hopping on a jet plane on Thursday bound for sunny Orlando. I’m traveling with three of my real life friends and look forward to meeting up with several of my virtual friends there. Fun, friends, as well as good teaching and books galore–I can’t wait! I’d like to tell you I’ve spent the last several days in prayerful preparation but, true confessions, what I’ve worried over the most? My hair.
I blame it on that post I wrote a few weeks ago for Out of the Ordinary. Y’all know the Murphy’s Law of Blogging, right? That whatever you assert in confidence in your blog post, that you will deal with in spades shortly thereafter. I wrote then about some of the good things about the middle years, one being that I was comfortable in my own skin. I specifically mentioned vocation but the application is obviously broader. And, now, I’m going to this conference with thousands of women, all with cute hair, and I have this new cut and let’s just say comfortable isn’t quite the word I would choose for how I feel.
Silly, isn’t it? Vain too. And self preoccupied, among other things. Why do I care? So I have a cut I have trouble styling. Poor, pitiful me.
People who love me tell me my hair really doesn’t look so bad, that in fact it looks great. I love them for that. In reality, though, my haircut obsession reveals some less than flattering truths about my heart, namely that I compare myself to others and that I derive my sense of worth based on that comparison.
Comparison always leads to despair and discontent. In contrast, the gospel compels me to look to Jesus. When I do so, I see my complete unworthiness yet, instead of despair, I hope. I am sinful, wicked, I’m having a bad hair day, but Jesus loves me, saves me, forgives me, redeems me, gives me life in Him. He is my worth.
So this weekend when I am hanging out with a few thousand of my sisters in Christ, all with adorable hairdo’s, and I am tempted to worry over how I look and what they think, I will remember the gospel. I will remind myself that my worth is in Christ. And that hair, it always grows.