Confessions of a neurotic blogger

Yesterday was a rarity for the Lisa writes… site: two posts in one day. Can you believe it? I’m not certain it’s ever happened and if it has surely it’s only occurred maybe once or twice in my six years of blogging. 

Oh, yes, yesterday I was full of the zeal of blogging. My mind reeled with ideas for future posts. I even did a little research on blog designers and the various options available–for a price–and brainstormed on the sort of blog I would like to have in terms of purpose and focus and theme and audience and all the sorts of parameters a successful blog successfully defines.
Fast forward to this morning. This morning it wasn’t the zeal of blogging that inspired my thoughts but  the discouragement therein. I felt overexposed and scarily vulnerable. I confess too much, I determined, and even I think myself weird. It’s time consuming and a time waster. In fact, the longer I thought on it, I began to be convinced that I’ve wasted my life or at least most of my days not only with blogging but with all my other silly pursuits and unimportant interests.
Yeah, it was a full fledged pity party. Full.Fledged.Pity.
And isn’t it interesting that such a crash and burn follows my post yesterday on envy and discontent and the critical and timely instruction of The Envy of Eve? It is generally the case for me: no sooner than I teach or write on an important and essential spiritual truth I then find myself in desperate need of that very truth. It’s like the Murphy’s Law of teaching and blogging or something. But it’s a good thing too because I must then cling to the kindness of the Lord that draws me to repentance and there I learn that the truths of Scripture are not merely intellectual. They are for real life and real need and real failure and real sin.
So my friend texts me this morning, me in the middle of a full blown funk and she blissfully ignorant. She remarks on the fact gleaned from my second post of the day yesterday that I’ve finally begun reading Kisses from Katie which she has already completed and recommends with great enthusiasm. Then she says something really kind about my blog, something she really means because she hasn’t a disingenuous bone in her body, something about my blog being encouraging and convicting. And then she thanks me for keeping this ministry going.

I told her that it was funny she should text me that because, well, see, I’m about convinced I should turn in my blogging card forever, that it seems like a dumb and fruitless hobby. And then she, my friend, tells me of the Lord using this simple site and these humble reflections, what I fear is this dumb and fruitless hobby of mine, to encourage a friend of hers. God is using it! she asserted.
I am humbled. I cannot believe the Lord’s providential timing nor can I fathom how or why He would use a medium like this to bring (what I hope is) faithful, humble testimony to the gospel of grace of which I am so great a debtor.
And so, as you can see, the blog lives to see another day. And not necessarily because of my friend or because of her friend or because of you the reader, whoever you may be and however you may have arrived here–though bloggers do blog because readers read, it’s the nature of the beast. 
Rather, my roller coaster of blogging related emotion and my friend’s encouragement remind me of the important truth that everything I do is to be done in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, knowing that it is He whom I serve. Thus even a blog post may be ministry, an act of serving the Lord as I seek to honor Him with my words. 
Blogging or not blogging is not the issue; being found a faithful servant in all things is.
I am thankful for my friend’s encouragement but it is not what motivates me. I want to follow Christ. I want to honor Him in all that I do. I want to proclaim His goodness and His grace and His mercy. I want others to know of the gospel promise that Jesus is faithful to save sinners like me. 
I want this blog to reflect that desire.
Yes and amen.

Author: Lisa Spence

Wife, mother, Bible teacher, bibliophile, occasional blogger

11 thoughts on “Confessions of a neurotic blogger”

  1. Ditto, ditto, ditto. " It's like the Murphy's Law of teaching and blogging or something" and Yep to this too.To blog or not to blog, that is the question.I'm as double minded about it as anyone and for the moment, I need ya'll here online.

  2. Thank you! Needed this after a pity party this afternoon. Also, thanks to Elaine for posting it on her fb =} []

  3. Don't you think we just try too hard sometimes? There are days when I just want to write as it comes, like you've done here. Just put it out there and let it fly. Honestly, those are some of the best written posts, but then I'm haunted by "theme, theme, theme." Sometimes we burden ourselves with the particulars, when all that is needed is the truth, plain spoken and authentically shared. Like with this post… did I mention it was a treasure? Yes, I think I did.

  4. I had to keep looking to be sure I had not written this post! Oh my! I sooooo relate to this! My blog has been an on-again/off-again thing for several years now. Like you, I've felt the passion to put my all into it…paying for domain names, design, etc. And not a week later I want to delete the entire thing! Unlike yours, I'm not sure mine serves a purpose any longer. I haven't done any real writing in a couple of years. I fear I may never write again. But you've given me things to chew on in this post.But here's something I've often thought about blogging the past year or so. I've seen such a decline in Christian blogging…blogs that encourage and teach and inspire and spread the Word. Facebook seems to have taken its place, but it's not the same. And I include myself in this statement, first on the list. But I can't help but wonder if perhaps the enemy isn't pulling us away from blogging because the circle of Christian blogs was inspiring and encouraging and spreading the Word about Christ in a way that Facebook or Twitter or Pinterest can never do. It doesn't mean they can't be used, but I think a blog can dig deeper.Anyway, I am thankful to Elaine for posting a link to your blog on Facebook. I had known I felt myself sinking again and was fighting to hang on this time.

  5. Love your blog. Love you. Love the way you lift up the Savior. You are definitely encouraging women with your writing. It is a talent that he has given you, I pray that he will direct you in how you use it. ā¤

  6. LISA!!! I have been thinking about you and have to confess that when you changed your url, I somehow lost your blog. And then I read this post, which is EXACTLY what I've been thinking about lately. And I want you to know that I'm so glad you are still here, blogging, and that I hope we can reconnect after what seems like a long while. (P.S. Borrowing your "Status Report" format today–it's about all I can manage for now.) šŸ™‚

Join the conversation! I may not always reply directly but I do read and appreciate every comment.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s