And the three of us after a football game this past fall…
And all of us at Thanksgiving…
Yesterday I was
complaining about commenting on how it seems all I ever do is laundry. Laundry, laundry, laundry, all the time laundry. My youngest son, always seeking to encourage and defend me, observed that soon I won’t have as much to do since there will be one less of us, a fact that always seems to surprise me though I think about it every time I fold a load of clothes. My mind and my heart protest, asserting that surely he’s too young to be gone and so soon too! It’s not possible, I think, and certainly inconceivable to consider he will no longer be home every night come August.
I was unsure I was ready to be a mom when I discovered I was pregnant. It was my husband who excitedly watched the pregnancy test and who joyously shared the good news with friends and family. I spent most of my pregnancy scared and worried and convinced I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready that is true–no one ever is–but when the doctor placed him in my arms I was sure. I was a mom and in that moment I was, and forever will be, grateful beyond measure.
I’m not the best mom, not by anyone’s standards, and truly nothing has revealed my deepest insecurities and my desperate insufficiencies like motherhood. I can’t do this, not well, and I’ve confessed such in brokenhearted tears over and over and over throughout the last eighteen years (and three more children). I’ve seen the very worst of myself exposed; yet I’ve also seen the extravagant goodness and grace of a merciful and loving Father. I’m not enough, that is heartbreakingly true, but He is more and then some.
The past eighteen years have been the best of my life. I love being a mom to four wonderful sons whom I love more than life itself. We have known much laughter, much joy, much happiness. The Lord has been good to us! My husband and I are so proud of our boys and so humbled by the privilege that is ours to love them and raise them. We know that our oldest boy turning eighteen and leaving home isn’t the end of anything but merely a difference in the way things have been. We will miss him–oh yes, indeed we will–but we eagerly anticipate the blessings and joys yet to come!
So, to our oldest boy, on your birthday (or a couple of weeks later as the case may be), we want you to know how very much you are loved. Your accomplishments thus far are amazing and we hope you will be a wise steward of all that you’ve been granted. As proud as we are of your accolades and achievements, we want but one thing for you: that you love and serve the Lord Jesus with all of your heart, your soul and your mind. We are so proud of the man you have become and we pray that you will be a bold ambassador for the kingdom, unashamedly proclaiming the gospel, doing everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.