Whew, what a crazy couple of weeks. Many times over the past week or so, I found myself worn out and scattered, surrounded by the kind of overwhelming mess that makes me feel even more worn out and scattered. I would want to rest, but I couldn’t. My mind would race with all that I should be doing and all that needs to be done.
Blogging, of course, doesn’t exactly fall into the “should be doing” or “needs to be done” category, which is precisely something that’s been on my mind lately.
I’ve been blogging now for two and a half years (yes, it’s true), nearly six hundred posts’ worth. I got spammed last week and since I have no idea how else to rid my site of the offending comments, I pulled up each post with the rogue comment in order to delete it (the comment, not the post). Nearly all the contaminated posts were a couple of years old so it was like a little walk down memory lane, albeit frustrating and certainly not by choice. Shuffling through the annals of Lisa writes past prompted some reflection and comparison of Lisa writes present.
In my early stages of blogging, I posted a good bit. Undoubtedly more often than I do now, which I realize isn’t saying much. Then, I wrote freely, about whatever was on my mind. And evidently there was a lot. I wrote mostly just for the joy of composition, my words forming an outlet for my journey with my Lord. I worried (only a) little about who was reading and what they thought, for the most part heedless of comment counts and site hits. I wrote because I loved to write.
In the process I discovered an unexpected blessing, a community of like minded sisters and fellow bloggers who became my friends. Real friends though we have never met face to face and in most cases have never even chatted on the phone. The wonders of the world wide web and email became vehicles for the Lord to bring into my life friendships and fellowships I would not have known otherwise. My google reader is filled with subscriptions to the blogs of these wise and funny women and I have found great joy in the give and take of our bloggy conversations.
I still write to write, but also so I can interact with my friends; I want to read their posts and visit their site–sometimes I feel guilty and frustrated when real life prevents me. Like when my google reader has a backlog of some 464 unread posts, sort of like it does today. It can be frustrating.
As my local readership has grown, my sense of responsibility to those I know here in real life makes me all the more careful about what I write. I would never, ever want to inadvertently offend or hurt someone here in the reflections I post. I know I have in the past, however unintentionally. Words on a screen can be so easily misunderstood or misapplied, by both the author and the reader.
When I first began blogging, and you can check back to my very first post if you’re so inclined, I asserted that a large readership didn’t matter to me. And it doesn’t. Not really. Okay, sometimes maybe. Just a little. Actually, it didn’t bother me until my weekly reports from sitemeter began to reflect a spiralling effect. Downward. Which in some sense makes perfect sense. I’m not writing much; therefore there’s not much reason to visit. I get that. But can I just say that sometimes, and hear me, it’s only sometimes, I see my worth as a writer, as a blogger, as somebody people like to listen to occasionally, there in that stupid little (little!) number.
So, what am I trying to say? I don’t know exactly, except maybe this: after two and half a years and 560+ posts, I am still trying to figure out my place in the blog writing world and my blog’s place in my real world. I think I told you before about how the comment “blogging is only part of your life” set me free in the sense that I realized there’s no pressure aside from the self-inflicted kind (duh). Blogging is a hobby, an outlet, something to pick up and lay down as the whim strikes. It does not define me; therefore I cannot “fail.” I don’t know if that makes sense to you, but it does to me.
I’ve said it before but it’s been awhile so I want to say it again: to those of you who choose to spend a small portion of your time here reading these humble thoughts, thank you. I am honored you would find my random ruminations worthy of the time you spend here and I pray that you are edified and the Lord is glorified in my words written here.
And to my blog friends, new and old, real and virtual: I am grateful our internet connections crossed! You’ve made me laugh, you’ve made me think, you’ve sharpened me as iron sharpens iron. How I wish we could share a cup of coffee and a long conversation, apart from the computer screen of course! I don’t feel so silly anymore (at least not quite as silly) when I tell people about my “internet friends” because true friends we are. It’s crazy, but it’s true–even the internet bows to the Lord’s purposes, glory to His name!
And, so here we are, 563 posts to date.