A few weeks ago, I made the following realizations:
1. While I have a college degree (thank you, Mom and Dad!), it is not exactly a degree that translates directly into a profession. Like, for example, an engineering degree = being an engineer. A nursing degree = being a nurse. A math degree = ?
2. I have been a stay at home mom for almost fifteen years.
3. Thus my job skills include doing laundry and loading the dishwasher. Neither of which I accomplish on a regular basis.
My deductive reasoning has led to all sorts of panic induced worry. Or worry induced panic, take your pick. It goes something like this: I have no marketable skills! I’m a nothing! I’ve done nothing! What if something happened to my husband? Maybe I was supposed to be and do something else? Maybe I messed up the Lord’s plan for me? Woe is me!
Pitiful, I know.
My husband, knowing not how to rightly deal with panic prone females (and who does?), has at turns 1) let me fuss and cry, 2) offered to get more life insurance, and 3) rebuked me ever so gently. Okay, I’m thinking maybe he does know how to rightly deal with panic prone females. He’s had lots of practice, to be sure.
The other night I returned to my lament, “Oh, poor, pitiful me, I have no marketable skills!” Though this is the third or thirtieth time he heard it, he asked me, “And why do you need marketable skills?”
“To be important,” I answered as tears sprung to my eyes.
See, it’s more than just a worry about how I would provide for my family if something (God forbid) happened to my husband; it is also a desire for legitimacy. To remind myself of my own importance. It’s stupid, I know. I know that this job I do, though I don’t do it all that well, is important and of extreme consequence. It just doesn’t always feel that way. More often than not, I feel like a big fat (anonymous) failure caught in an endless cycle of mundanity (which may not be a word but it sure feels like reality).
“You know the scriptures better than that,” my husband chided me. He’s right. I do. I forget.
I forget that the Lord is sovereign, that I am not.
I forget He will provide, no matter what may or may not happen to my husband.
I forget I can trust Him, that my worry is at its essence a lack of trust.
I forget that His grace is more than sufficient, that my biggest need is not skills or accomplishment but forgiveness of sin and right standing before my Creator.
I forget He’s granted me both of those things…and much, much, MUCH more…in the Person and work of Jesus Christ.
I forget He knows the plans He has for me, and He is able to complete the work He began.
I forget that whatever I do–laundry, dishes, hauling kids to and fro–it is opportunity for me to exalt the Lord Jesus Christ. He is as much glorified in the humble and the ordinary as He is in the big and exciting, if it is done in His name.
I forget I am to trust Him today–and tomorrow–seeking first His kingdom and His righteousness. He is faithful!