The Foolish

I hate feeling foolish. Appearing foolish is even worse.

Case in point (a long, convoluted one at that): My son’s show choir will be performing this weekend, three times, Friday night, Saturday afternoon and Saturday evening. Tables are available for purchase, so I paid my money well in advance and made my reservations for the Friday evening performance.

So, a week or so ago, I happen to glance at my calendar and realize my other son has a basketball game scheduled that same evening, earlier in the evening, but the same night. So I change our reservations accordingly, this time for Saturday evening, not the most convenient night for us, but certainly doable.

Then I discover another potential conflict with the Saturday evening performance so I request the Saturday matinee. Request granted.

A day or two after that, I receive my other son’s basketball tournament bracket and realize there’s a possibility his team will be playing at the same time as the Saturday afternoon performance. Another email, another request. I decide we can juggle the potential Saturday evening conflicts so we make arrangements for a table that evening.

Are you confused yet? You should try being me, or the nice gentleman enduring my multiple emails and obvious disorganization, kindly changing my reservations over and over (and over) again…

So, this morning I find out that the original conflict, my oldest son’s game Friday night, is non existent. That’s right, HE WILL NOT BE PLAYING BASKETBALL FRIDAY NIGHT. In other words, WE HAVE NO CONFLICT WHATSOEVER WITH THE FRIDAY NIGHT PERFORMANCE. (Yes, I’m yelling, wouldn’t you?)

This was something I could have (and should have) figured out from the very beginning.

Yes, I am mad with myself. Yes, I feel (pick your adjective) embarrassed, humiliated, stupid, idiotic, and, yes, foolish.

So I sent yet another (humble, contrite) acknowledgment of my idiocy and asked for yet one more reservation change. I’ll let you how it pans out.

I hate feeling foolish. I like being in control, or at least appearing as such. I hate that my inadequacies and inefficiencies are so painfully obvious. I also hate that my inadequacies and inefficiencies make more work for someone else. I wish desperately I could handle my life (and my schedule) with ease.

I can’t. I can’t handle it. I’m not in control. I am inadequate. And as much as I rail against it, I am foolish.

It’s my pride that refuses the appearance of foolishness. It’s my pride that’s embarrassed to seem weak and stupid, though I am weak and stupid. It’s my pride that wants others to be impressed by my ability to do it all, and do it all well.

It seems the Lord is teaching me (again still) that it is in weakness that He shows Himself strong. It is in foolishness He reveals His wisdom. In my inadequacy, I best see His adequacy…

But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.” (1 Cor. 1:27-31)

If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness…Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (2 Cor. 11:30, 12:9)

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Author: Lisa Spence

Wife, mother, Bible teacher, bibliophile, occasional blogger

12 thoughts on “The Foolish”

  1. I tttooooottally sympathize with you were and understand the frusteration of feeling foolish. I seem to make a habit of it. Personally, I know I have a lot of pride and God seems to want to slowly chip it all away.=D Three cheers for humanity!

  2. I too do this kind of stuff on a regular basis..IT does get better after the children leave the nest..Then , you can’t remeber the appointments, much less trying to juggle them..You keep painting it real for us..Makes the rest of us feel somewhat normal..

  3. Reality check: You are coordinating the schedules of HOW many people in your family? It’s a HARD job! My calendar is color coded and often looks like it got whacked with a rainbow. Have fun Friday night!

  4. Those pesky ducks just won’t stay in their rows, will they?! Hope it settles down and you can have your Friday night table back!

  5. I’ve often wondered how it feels to be in control. I’m not kidding. Everyone else seems to be so “together.” But I know I’m not. It sometimes feels pretty lonely. And freaky. Thanks for letting me know there are others out here who are helplessly – and completely – dependent on God 🙂

  6. Wow. I did something like that recently. But my kids lost their health insurance. Don’t worry, they got it reinstated with no break, except that I felt like a moron, they technically have something slightly different in January (which, between them, only involves three doctor’s offices and possibly an outpatient surgery…) and I get to inform everyone. Instead of a string of emails, my gaff meant travel to multiple locations around our city for the better part of a day (including an elder’s workplace). My third visit to Social Services got a wave from one of the receptionists – like we were old friends. Sheesh. I’d love to say the system made it hard – and it did. But that’s the kind of thing I *should* have caught had we not all been sick since October. And yet, it is only my delusion of control that got lost in the mix (and a few days of an asthma inhaler). You are not alone, and, as always, you bring us back to the gospel. The truth is I am always that foolish apart from Christ, and He knows it. That’s why I need Him.

  7. This is the kind of stuff that has made me want to run away from home, move across the country, change churches, change my kids’ schools, etc… I get so embarrassed when I do those things (which I do often!).But yet, when I read your post, I certainly don’t see you as foolish or any of your other adjectives. 🙂 I see you as real, normal. This happens to everyone. And is completely understandable.Amazing how God uses the everyday to remind us that we are but human.

  8. Girl, we all do this stuff. Some of us more than others (me, raising my hand) but we’ve all been there. It just comes from having multiple children. Or from being human.

  9. Mercy, I’m exhausted! Been there; it’s exhausting to keep all my ducks in a row these days. I think I’m getting too old to care so much anymore.peace~elaine

  10. Could I just tell you that I totally get this post. I relate to what you are saying and feeling. Especially as the ‘new girl/woman’ in a new town – I hate feeling/appearing foolish so much, but I am and seem so very often, I think. And, yes, I struggle with pride. How I wish I didn’t, but oh, what a hard thing to kill is my pride. Thanks for sharing.

  11. You just described my week. Heck, you just described my last month. Only I’m playing with my kids. We’re getting a dog for Christmas! Whoops, we’re sending it back. We’re going to Hawaii for vacation! Whoops, guess not. Brutal. I’m so glad God’s (and my kids’) mercies are new every morning.

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