Author’s note: Since it is sometimes difficult to convey tone with the typed word, I want to say at the outset that my words here are not meant to sound blaming, self pitying, or whining, merely observant.
It is a strange thing when one realizes that people are talking. About them, that is.
In the past couple of days, this has become my realization. One friend told me of an overheard conversation; another related how someone unconnected to our situation identified me as ______ . One meant no disrespect I’m sure (or I hope); the intent of the other is less clear.
When we embarked on this leap of faith, I did my research. I counted the cost. I knew it would be hard. In fact, I confessed to my husband that I wasn’t sure I had what it takes, however much I longed to be obedient.
I neglected to consider that people would talk. I forget I live in a small town! 🙂
Being the people pleaser / approval addict that I am–the hermit who cherishes her anonymity–knowing people are talking is disconcerting, to say the least. To realize my motives may be misrepresented and misunderstood is not only frustrating, but prime funk-inducing material.
Part of me wishes she could confront the talk with the truth of her heart. Impossible, I know, yet I wish I could know that my reputation will emerge from this intact. The problem is, I have no such guarantees. In contrast, I have the example of my Lord who made Himself of no reputation, without a word in His own defense.
May I forget myself and look to Him.