“So…don’t you think you need to blog something again soon?” my husband asked me last night. Ever the obediently submissive wife (!), I am now attempting to comply and, with words being strangers to me lately, it is not so easy an attempt…
You may well wonder what I have been doing with myself in my absence–I know I do! So, in no particular order, here is a list of Things I Have Been Doing Instead of Blogging:
- Organizing every closet and drawer in the house
- Rising at 5 am every day for my quiet time
- Cooking three meals a day everyday for my family
- Memorizing the entire book of Romans
- Training for a marathon
I knew I couldn’t fool you, but I have to admit, that list sounds better than What I’ve REALLY Been Doing Instead of Blogging:
- Not sleeping and sleeping, both. Still not sleeping that great every single night, but sleeping far later in the mornings than I ever have when I do sleep and sleep well.
- Reading voraciously. Finished “The Nine Marks of a Healthy Church.” Also read a couple of Deanne Gist’s historical novels and enjoyed them both. Read the final installment of the Twilight saga and hated it–just to name a few.
- Cleaning house. Okay, once. The boys have done what little housecleaning has been accomplished this summer.
- Trying to get ready for school to begin Thursday which apart from the necessary mental preparation also includes spending a small fortune on school supplies and attending orientations.
- Playing hostess. Yeah, really. Hospitality, along with many other domestic virtues, does not come easily for me, but we’ve hosted groups from church, cycling friends, the youth group and others at our home over the last few weeks.
- My usual worrying, fretting, moping, thinking, procrastinating…
So, really, I haven’t been doing that much. Certainly not much of merit! I’ve been on break not because I’ve been so very busy but because I’ve been in a funk. Not an unfamiliar state for me, which longtime readers well know, but this go ’round, the funk seems more funk-y than usual.
And who can figure the why’s and wherefore’s of the funk? Surely I have no reason for my melancholy other than my own self absorption. I mean, really, turning forty in a few weeks, looking like I will be turning forty in a few weeks (and not the twenty seven of my mind’s eye), putting on weight, adjusting to a new normal, not having a Bible study to teach (for now)–are these reasons to make myself miserable?
Today I pray with the psalmist: “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God. My soul is cast down within me; therefore I remember you…” (Ps. 42:5-6)
Even in my melancholy and my funk, I choose to remember and to hope in Him. His mercies are new every morning!